Children and labels: opening up new possibilities rather than reinforcing fixed roles
In our desire to understand children and introduce them to others, we often use simple, quick words that seem to capture their personality:
“He’s shy”, “she’s sensitive”, “he’s always sad”, “he’s a disruptive child”.
These words are rarely spoken with malicious intent. They are often used to explain, reassure or provide guidance. Yet they deserve to be scrutinised. For a crucial question arises: are we really describing the child… or are we simply pigeonholing them?
When language becomes a prison
Saying of a child “he is sad” or “he is hypersensitive” may seem harmless. However, this kind of wording lends a definitive character to a state that is often temporary, context-dependent and evolving.
A child may go through a period of sadness without being a ‘sad’ child. They may experience heightened sensitivity at a particular stage in their life, without this defining who they are forever.
By labelling a child, an adult fixes the child in a certain image. And little by little, the child comes to see themselves in that light. They learn:
‘That's just the way I am. It's in my nature. I can't change.’
This external perspective then becomes an internal barrier, sometimes invisible but deeply ingrained.
Changing the language to open up new possibilities
Changing the way we talk about children also means changing the way we look at them.
Instead of saying:
‘He's sad’,
we can say:
‘He's going through a difficult time’
or ask him:
‘What's making you feel sad right now?’
This simple shift opens up a fundamental new perspective: emotion is no longer an identity, but a fleeting experience.
The child then realises that what they are feeling can change, evolve and be supported.
The same applies to traits often perceived as more ‘fixed’, such as sensitivity. Telling a child ‘you’re hypersensitive, that’s just the way it is’ can foster a sense of fatalism. Conversely, acknowledging sensitivity whilst leaving room for growth allows the child to understand that they can learn to manage their emotions better, not to let themselves be overwhelmed, and to grow into who they are.
The adult’s gaze: a powerful mirror
At school, the way adults view children has a particularly formative influence.
When a child is seen as ‘disruptive’, ‘annoying’, ‘always the one getting into mischief’, they are quickly assigned a role. And, often unconsciously, they will conform to it. It is what is expected of them; it is the image they project, so they embody it.
Conversely, maintaining a kind, steady and confident gaze, even when faced with challenging behaviour, sends a strong message:
‘Your behaviour may be open to question, but your worth is not.’
The child then realises that they can make mistakes without being defined by them. They feel capable of growing and seeking other answers, because an adult believes in that ability.
An educational approach that empowers
Adopting a respectful educational approach means believing wholeheartedly that every child is in a state of flux, still developing, and that no single behaviour or emotion fully defines them.
Opening up new horizons means telling the child:
‘You’re not stuck in your current situation. You can learn, grow and surpass yourself.’
It also means giving them the confidence they need to become adults who are capable of setting themselves challenges, adapting to new situations and turning their weaknesses into strengths.
For it is true that a high degree of sensitivity can accompany a person throughout their life. But it can also become a source of richness, a strength, and a keen sense of perception — provided we do not view it as an inescapable fate.
Opening doors rather than sticking labels on
As adults, parents or teachers, we bear a huge responsibility. The words we use and the way we look at them shape the image a child forms of themselves.
Rather than confining children to fixed roles, emotions, or labels, let's open doors for them.
Let us offer them a gaze that supports, believes and hopes.
For it is often in that very gaze that trust is born… and the desire to grow.
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Temple Grandin
